Willing to Compromise…

Some of you who know me on a personal level, know that I was raised by my grandparents.  I never really got to know my mother’s or father’s character.  In my mind however I’d like to think that I picked up characteristics from both of them subconsciously.  In today’s blog post I would say that I am my father’s child because I believe him to be rather head strong and maybe stubborn a little.  I’d like to think that he is willing to compromise a little but not to much as to lose who he is as a person and that is totally me…

I didn’t lose sleep last night but I did have a restless night.  I am not a woman who likes to argue.  If I find myself in an argument or disagreement, I like to resolve it as swiftly as possible because the way my mind is setup, the disagreement will fester. I am totally in touch with who I am.  My flaws and all (in my Beyonce voice).  I am maturing now and while back in the day I would have dismissed the person on the other side of this disagreement as if they never existed, I am thinking of ways to compromise and, dare I say it, change…  This is a very hard task for me as I am very head strong and stubborn.  I have often felt in the past that if someone likes me, they should for all of who I am when they met me.  Character flaws and all…  I know this now to not be true completely.  I have to be willing to compromise.

I am not compromising, however, to avoid conflict... While I do understand the nature of other people, I have a strong desire to resolve problems.  Even in my line of work (my full-time) I am a problem solver.  How do I convey that when it comes to disagreements?  How do I convey that without sounding so “matter of fact”?  How do I convey that without using ammunition to counter what the issue is?  I deem myself a communicator but doing all those things I questioned doesn’t make me a very good one.  I have to be responsible for my actions in this case.  My actions are the only ones I can control.

I recently read in another blog, Baggage Reclaim, “If we’ve been raised in an environment with a lot of tension or where feelings or discussion were a no-no, or where we’ve gotten into the habit of being a pleaser, we can be pretty damn adept at reading a room or reading for what we feel are signs of tension, and then adjusting ourselves.”

While I can compromise I don’t want to become more guarded and stop being as honest and vulnerable as I was before.  So I allowed the person on the other end to deal with his emotions the way he did and he has allowed me to communicate my emotions and we both have come out of this disagreement

At the end of the day (cliche), I just want to be happy with the person who makes me happy the most.  I am learning to work my way through conflict.  I am always a work in progress.  Age has me different these days…

Peace and Blessing,

Shivawn