My Dating Story

It seems as if I always have a dating story to tell.  Well today isn’t any different.  Let me tell you about my first real experience with being single and dating multiple men.  A few years back I was on a dating website and I met a man who peeked my interest.  We talked for hours during the first conversation and it appeared to be some type of connection.  The one thing I could appreciate about this man is his honesty about his situation as well as his desire to not be in a committed relationship.  At that point in my life I had been on a lot of crappy dates which led to no where from a few men who over promised but under delivered.  So, I was up for not having any type of commitment.  For a while it worked out pretty decently.  It worked out for me because of these 3 reasons: Honesty, Transparency, and Trust…  Now don’t get me wrong there were some uncomfortable moments because we spend a lot of time together and feelings did surface but because we talked about our desires and had an open and honest arrangement it didn’t break us.

So here are the 3 Things You Must Consider when you are Single But Dating:

Honesty

The other day I polled a few of my Facebook friends and asked them if it was okay to date (non-exclusively) multiple people when you are single.  Almost all of them said “YES”… But most of them also said honesty has to be in play when doing so.  I believe this.  If you are honest about your intentions on Day 1, you have no reason to have to explain yourself later in the situation.  Being honest, in the beginning, gives the person of interest an opportunity to make a decision about dating you or not.

Why is it so difficult for people to be honest when dating? Are we setting ourselves up for failure?

People are modest when it comes to dating.  They limit themselves when they are not honest because they will eventually cause stress when cleaning up lies and deceit.  If you are not ready for a commitment, let it be known.

Be Transparent

Transparent – easy to perceive or detect

Transparency seemed to be a reoccurring theme in the Facebook post I shared with my friends as well.  I think transparency in any relationship should be best practice.  One would say that transparency and honesty goes hand in hand.  I think what happens early in dating situations is that the people involved are less transparent.  In some ways, I get it.  I mean this is someone you really don’t know and to open up to this person and “let them in” to your life is risky.  On the other hand I think being transparent from the beginning leaves little room for assumptions and wrong judgement.

Transparency is the key to fostering a culture of trust between you and the potential person you may end up in a exclusive relationship with.  Keeping a person in the loop about their role in your life at the moment will more likely build trust in the situation.

I believe that one of the main reasons we should be transparent when dating is that it will breed engagement.

Be Trustworthy

Trust is important if you are single and dating because it develops a sense of security.  If you infuse trust into the fabric of your encounters you are creating an environment which promotes dependability and consistency.  Being trustworthy means that although you are not fully committed to that person they know that if you do eventually commit you are willing to lay it all on the line without holding anything back.

Being trustworthy also builds the confidence in your potential mate.  They know that you are taking their feelings into consideration and know that you will do the right thing.  They can rely on you to keep whatever word you made with them in the start of the dating process.

FOUNDATION

Not only are, honesty, transparency, and trustworthiness, are the top 3 things you should consider when single and dating but these things lay the foundation for what could be a healthy committed relationship.  What you start with lays the groundwork for the beginning of something that could blossom into a beautiful commitment.

Peace and Blessings,

Shivawn